There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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