I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we have pet lesbian snakes
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
