yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
