If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
