So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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