We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
