i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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