every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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