your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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