Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
