I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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