I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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