I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
