I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
