u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
