its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
