so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
