just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
