none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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