Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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