Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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