if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
