if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
