Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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