I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
