Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
