There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
