Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
