I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
