Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
