Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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