after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
