I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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