She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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