how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
only you would photoshop your dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
