I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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