If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
