So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
