This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
