I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
