Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
