i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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