i think my tv is drunk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
