Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
