I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
