Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
