so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
