he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Alive.
So much puke
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
