Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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