It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
