Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
