I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
