i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
