She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
