What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
