I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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