I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
