she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pants are for mortals
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
